PETA has released a new commercial for “My First Lab Animal,” a kit that turns every kid into an NIH-funded animal experimenter. Get your “science” on!

Credits: Production Company: Golden LA, Director: Fons Schiedon, DP: Joe Picard, Production Designer: Tatiana Van Sauter, Writer/Creative Director: Christian Carl

Hey, kids! Did you ever want to toy with the life of a small animal for funsies but just didn’t have the proper, real-life laboratory equipment necessary to torment a sentient being within an inch of his life?

Well, you’re in luck! Now you can gear up and get your “science” on with the new “My First Lab Animal” kit, the toy that toys with life!

PETA’s satirical commercial lampoons the National Institutes of Health’s absurd contention that animal testing is at any level necessary or beneficial—economically, scientifically, or ethically—by juxtaposing the gruesome reality of experiments on animals that attract billions in taxpayer dollars with the care-free, Day-Glo and plasticine glee of ‘90s toy commercials.

As the cheerful jingle plays in the background—“It’s the toy that toys with life!”—the commercial follows a perky child as she discovers the complete “My First Lab Animal” kit, performing procedures actually funded and conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH).

Watch as the pig-tailed little scamp injects her toy mouse with chemicals, just like a real experimenter, using the kit’s included syringe.

See her turn up the fun dial that sends electric shocks to the animal’s feet. Watch as the sensitive mouse jumps around, trying to escape the torment. Silly mouse!

And just like a real NIH-funded experimenter, watch the little girl drop the mouse into an inescapable beaker of water. He paddles furiously, desperately looking for an escape from drowning. Such fun!

When the mouse is nearly spent from all the fun, the budding “scientist” decapitates the mouse with the included guillotine. But can you even really call it fun if there’s no blood?

Finally, she pays out hush money to her concerned parents from the included suitcase of cash, while the narrator quickly spouts disclaimers, including: “The NIH is not liable if your child becomes a psychopath!”

PETA’s spoof is meant to prove a crucial point: American taxpayers are bankrolling the torture of tens of millions of animals in experiments that aren’t leading to treatments or cures. Our throwback-type ad encourages everyone to consider the plight of animals in laboratories and demand effective, non-animal research reform from NIH.

Pointless studies funded by NIH include restraining monkeys, depriving them of water, and forcing them to stare at photos of candidates to see if they can predict winners; ripping infant monkeys from their mothers and forcing them to wear strobe-effect goggles for 12 hours a day;  and relentlessly shocking the feet of mice, supposedly to cause panic attacks.

NIH squanders nearly half its annual budget on experiments on animals, despite the fact that 90% of basic research, most of which involves animals, fails to lead to effective treatments for humans, and that 95% of new drugs that test safe and effective in animals fail in human trials.

PETA scientists’ Research Modernization Now provides evidence of the failure of experiments on animals and lays out a strategy for transitioning to cutting-edge science.

There are multiple opportunities to help.

If you’re in the U.S., please sign our petition to your members of Congress urging them to introduce legislation enacting Research Modernization NOW, which would mandate that NIH stop throwing away taxpayer money on experiments. Please also urge your lawmakers to cosponsor the CARGO Act, a landmark bill that would prevent NIH from funding any experiments on animals outside the U.S.

And everyone, no matter where you live, can take action below.

Once you’ve finished, be sure to share this page with your friends, family members, and social media followers.